Archive for January, 2007

fear sells

god, what’s next? one of those rubber masks that the villain or spy peels off in the action movie, suddenly turning Nicholas Cage, a-ha, into Bruce Willis? You could wear your rubber mask until you totally trusted someone.

I interviewed Herb Vest of True.com for the book and while it’s awful he suffered a bizarre personal tragedy (see Murder in Gainesville), I think it’s skewed his view of the world.

I love the end of the Washington Post article, though, about the Mom screen.

story I’d like even if my book weren’t “Funny and wise” in it

a well-told, we’ve-all-been-there story (I’ve actually fled in that situation) with the kicker being what she’s reading.

And there are all kinds of treats on Judy’s site, including this great no matter how embellished story. A camera stuck inside your vagina is a great metaphor for sex columnisthood.

insert cousin joke here

for the lady Appalachians, there’s always the date-the-photographer contest….

true romance

My new big-sister blog HuffPo is helping me solicit stories

Here’s the first one that came in, it’s sweet. And makes me grateful that I’ve never discussed “extremities” with any date, on- or offline.

I met my husband online in 1997. I had moved 2500 miles for a job, had a 7 year old son, and hated the bar scene with a burning passion. I worked full-time so didn’t have much time for hobby clubs, etc., which led me to try an online dating service. Of course the only friend I’d made at that point mocked me endlessly, but I figured I didn’t have anything
lose so tried a trial.

Tackling the profile was soul-wrenching, especially since I’m not a 110
pound Barbie, but I figured I’d be honest and hope for the best. I chose
a username that I thought was appropriate (veryindependent) and put
myself on the cyber dating scene. I received seven or responses, all of
which I answered. I met three of them in real life, the last of which
was my husband. I think that I avoided some of the common pitfalls
because I was honest, because I’m not terribly aesthetically pleasing,
and because if they didn’t have perfect punctuation I was immediately
suspicious.

I remember the first contact my husband made. I read the email and
thought, “Someone has stepped on this poor man’s heart!” He was
endearingly self-depracating and had a dry sense of humor. He didn’t
mention the size of his extremities, nor did he inquire as to the size
of mine. He was happy to talk on the phone when I offered it, and he
didn’t hesitate to meet in real life so I wasn’t worried that he had
something to hide.

Our first date we had dinner and spent an hour in Barnes and Noble
browsing books, and I knew that I liked him very much. On our second
date we went to the arboretum and he cheerfully helped me find and read the signs on each and every tree, and I was hooked.

We now have a five year old son together and I can’t imagine anything
ever breaking us up. And my friend who made fun of me? Happily married to someone she met through the same site! I don’t know if I would do it now, there are too many horror stories of people who are deceitful and dishonest, not to mention just looking to talk dirty, but it was the best decision I could have made ten years ago.

Ms. C_________, you’ve won yourself a signed book! Thanks for writing.

the ladies are angry

I seem to be reading a lot of stories like these lately, and keep wondering, why doesn’t everyone just listen to me on this one so we can all get along?
As I’ve said/written a lot, but dammit, the world has not put aside its Vogues and GQs to heed me, our bafflement and disappointment with each other would shrink dramatically if we simply dropped the outdated gender roles. We all have jobs. We all like sex. We all want someone we like talking to. We don’t need husbands and wives to be supporters and unpaid domestics. A guy is right to mind paying for a woman who makes as much as he does. A woman is right to mind she’s supposed to pretend she doesn’t want to sleep with a guy or be elusive or look perfect or any of that other “feminine” crap.

Feminism’s been brilliantly tarred as unsexy, unhip, man-hating, but it seems so obvious that more equality would make everyone happier. Less striving for femininity and masculinity, more for humanity. I’m continually perplexed by how few people are on board with me here, like suddenly they won’t want to have sex or be able to fall in love if they shed stupid old courting rituals that haven’t made sense in decades — and seem to be leaving everybody pissed at each other. I can still like wearing a pretty dress; I can still like big muscular sweaty man bodies and getting fucked hard; I can still like non-sex vive la differences like they can fix the broken cabinet but they don’t even know that they’re upset about something until you draw it out of them. And so can you! You can still enjoy heterosex a lot without acting some self-limiting way outside of bed — or expecting the other person to.

I’m adding in a fantastic quote from Laura Miller of salon.com and New York Times, from Ann Powers’ book Weird Like Us. This says it so well: “Romance is all about imagining yourself in a certain role without admitting it. You want to think, ‘I am the kind of person who gets flowers, I am the kind of person who drives men wild with desire.’ If that’s what you’re getting out of your relationships, it doesn’t seem like intimacy. It’s a fantasy about yourself that you’re using the other person to achieve.'”

I was floored by the eloquence and obviousness of this point — and yet it’s radically unpopular.

that sneakin, lyin, dairy-eatin jezebel….

this is one suspicious vegan

CEO sheiks and their captive harems

I hope this story from iDate — the yearly conference for the online dating industry — keeps this greedy CEO from ever getting a date through his site.

I’m picturing some nerd in a big Dr Evil chair laughing maniacally at the pretty-girl head shots: “Bwwwhhhaaaahhaaahhaaa. Mine! All mine!”

don’t fear the joke

all this advice is pretty sensible except the “don’t be funny” part. Don’t be funny if you’re not funny, but if you’re funny, let it show! “Baby you must be tired from running through my dreams,” BTW, isn’t.

The no-adjectives rule makes sense, but seems like it would make for a mighty long profile

wiki-personals

does anyone else find this combination inherently hilarious? I can just see the editing after a so-so date; “very funny, upbeat, loving” morphing to “moderately amusing, hyperactive, sentimental”; “born 1969” to “born 1963 MAYbe,” etc…..

Orlan, C-Lo and V-Vitz in the HuffPo

the Huffington Post invited me to cross-blog with them, starting with more about Courtney Love striking out on eHarmony.

Update: My friend Phoebe interviewed Ms. Love in 2005 and wrote me, “It’s so funny, but if you told me when I was 16 that someday I would talk to Courtney Love and, more than that, I would want to get off the phone with her at some point, I would not have believed you.” Here’s the most coherent(!) part of the transcript.

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