Archive for April, 2007

extending the brand into Second Life

I don’t know if this is happening or not, whether dating sites (I almost called them RL dating sites, which they are compared to Second Life!) are getting dragged into virtual worlds.

I like the nerd-scorn dripped on the robot-talking market-penetrator dude. I’d never heard of this site before; it looks fun.

race preferences

this article’s about speed-dating not online dating but obviously applies.

I love the comments where people try to puzzle out this truly confounding tendency. Anecdotally, I’ve heard the opposite: women saying that there’s so much more than just looks that make a man attractive that they’ll happily date any race, while men are more like “I’m no racist, but I do have a physical type” (who tends to be his own race, or in the case of some white and black guys, Asian women).

Emily’s comment, number 15, resonated with me. After I first slept with a black guy, then an Asian guy, other black and Asian guys took up much more space on my sexual radar screen. Just like having a pale, red-haired, dark-eyed boyfriend in college made me forever predisposed to men with that coloring. Sexiness stems from sex.

Is that the same principle operating with men? And if women are so sexually xenophobic, where do men find women to miscegenate with? Do men get more of their sexual ideas/leanings from porn? If they’ve seen it onscreen, does that plant a seed? (though my sense is that these days porn is so specialized, that’s not true. If they didn’t seek out Asian or black or Pacific Islander or whatever porn, they wouldn’t just come across it. Dunno if that’s true.) Is seeing interracial sex in some way parallel to my and Emily’s experience of lust following doing?

Or are women just more racist?

my match, at least in Amazon’s Customers Who Bought This Item Also Bought

I wondered about meeting author-cute with Sean Thomas til I got to this description of his type:

Does the fact that he can now specifically select for slight, pixie-ish women with submissive personalities and resolutely middlebrow tastes mean that he necessarily should?

Strikes one, two, and three! Well, Sean, at least I’m unthreateningly poor.

“His arc is inevitable and no less gratifying…” Meaning what? He finds the middlebrow submissive pixie of his dreams? I guess the reviewer didn’t want to be a spoiler. When I was finishing my book, I WISH the arc had been inevitable! There’s too much good mixed in with the bad for that to be true. But in a memoir, you don’t have to be fair to the whole phenomenon I guess.

Women Aloud Interview

Virginia talks to Women Aloud in its April 13, 2007, edition.

P.S. [from VV]: Mo and Shana are great hosts, my most fun radio interviewers yet.

he lies, he uses women online as porn — what should you do?

see post below for headline explanation. This is one understanding wife, but as a single online dater, I’m wondering what are these women who get no reply from this man (that is, assuming the wife has correctly hacked his account) doing sending him sexy pix? And for how many men is online dating simply porn that you manipulate and mislead women into supplying for free? Ugh.

he lies, he never calls back, he harasses — what you’re doing wrong

My competition for online dating talking head status gives women tips in the form of blame. He first directs women not to believe anything a man says on a date. He also gives contradictory advice in two of the steps — contact men, we love that, says #8; only go for men who are searching for you says #4. This is the guy I paid for online dating advice — for book research — who told me to lie.

I was struck by the first one, number ten, though, because I’d been talking with gal pals about the way men say “I’ll call you” when they mean “I won’t call you,” often embellishing with all kinds of unnecessary enthusiasm about future dates and how much they hope to see you, etc. And we do all wonder, Why do guys do that? We maybe weren’t even expecting another date until the guy started having, as a woman in my book put it about a guy who’d told her he’d fix her leaky sink and never called again, “a happy imaginary moment.” I’m not talking about the vague “let’s talk” or “see you later” that we’ve all done rather than say “I don’t ever want to see you again,” I mean really talking up those future interactions that won’t happen with enough oomph that we move from getting “this is the end of it” to thinking “well, I thought this was the end of it, but he’s acting so excited, maybe I was wrong.”
I would be interested in hearing from men who generally don’t lie but who do this. My theory is that men believe that they must keep the woman feeling safe, happy, wooed, courted NO MATTER WHAT and so they say whatever they think she wants to hear while they’re in her presence. But I don’t really know. I wonder at what point you who do this know or admit to yourselves that your words aren’t true. Do you mean it when you say it? Do you feel you need to be kind to be cruel? Is it connected with guilt (particularly in a post-sleepover-date context)?

Finally, I must give credit for my headline to this old issue of National Lampoon making fun of Cosmopolitan magazine. Their fake-article was titled “He Lies, He Cheats, He Steals — What You’re Doing Wrong!” My other fave from that fake cover was “Is There Mustard On Your Head? A Quiz.”

extreme nanny stateism

this is unbelievable on so many levels and raises so many questions:

Can an American woman contact a Canadian man without a background check?

Just Match.com? No other non-Russian-bride-type dating sites are exempt? If not, this is a real boomerang in the face for Herb Vest of True.com, who started all this criminal background check hysteria.

If women who immigrate to marry Americans are getting abused at higher rates, why not make sure they know their rights rather than just assume that every American man who e-mails a foreigner is a batterer?

and by “technosexual” we mean a pasty chain-smoker

Calvin Klein copyrighted this term, which makes me think of Bender the robot on Futurama, not a savvy sophisticate or whatever bullshit they’re branding.

My headline refers to this bit:

As summer draws near, the streets of Comet country are normally filled with sun loving, fun loving Brits.

But this year the heat has been predicted as reaching unbearable highs, the smoking ban comes in and the laptop may seem a safer, sexier option.

i feel sorry for the guy

I wish there was more here about why this isn’t defamation (or libel or slander or whatever). I wonder if it’s anything to do with the truth of the bitching on the website?

Unless a guy raped or robbed or stalked you (in which case DontDateHimGirl is rather an understatement), why are you airing your date beefs on the Internet? I find this a rather horrifying development. There should be a site that warns men which women post on DontDateHimGirl.

oh yeah, fjord me baby

I can’t believe this many Swedish ladies like cybersex! I could barely find any American women who didn’t think it was kind of lame.

Or maybe they don’t like it, but they still do it. That’s a depressing thought.

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