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I Love You, Let's Meet » polyamorist seeks open-minded

polyamorist seeks open-minded

Oh yay, the poly guy said I could link him here. Have at him, freewheeling ladies. He gets points from me for making me look up “praxis” and for sucking at Scrabble, which I do too. Cute, too.

Wouldn’t that be great if his wife commented here? I always want to hear from both sides of these arrangements. Is SHE on OKCupid? How does it work? What percentage of the time doesn’t it work?

3 Comments so far

  1. Anne on June 22nd, 2006

    Bonus question: is it cheating for an old married lady like me to look at his profile?

    I never looked at an e-dating profile before. Am I corrupted now?

    V, have you gone out with any of these open-marriage guys?

  2. virginia on June 23rd, 2006

    Anne, didn’t anyone tell you? By viewing his profile you HAVE gone out with him, you philandering slut! We online veterans call the profile-view a walk, first base on balls.

    I have never dated a poly, but I like them — they tend to be smart and idealistic and to question received wisdom. I’m sympathetic with their project — the two choices of classification of “single” and “monogamy” seem unneccesarily extreme. I’d like them to figure out some other, maybe more communitarian way to arrange sexual/romantic intimacy.

    Meanwhile, I’m as jealous and insecure as the next person, so I don’t think I could pull it off unless I knew and trusted someone in a way that I’ve never yet experienced.

    Gay guys pull it off better than heteros, but even they get hurt and have to negotiate a lot. I suppose monogamy’s like most compromises — you give up freedom for ease and comfort.

  3. Jim on June 23rd, 2006

    Virginia, If I understand the nature of the polyamorists correctly, that they are actually involved in multiple love relationships, then I’m not so sure that us gays are any better at it than you poor hetros. What many of us have mastered is the art of being in love with one person while schtupping another. But the gay couples I know who engage in these activities are uneasy about allowing actual feelings to emerge for the third wheel. That is, as our German friends would say, verbotten.

    (By the way, spellcheck was no help with either schtupping or verbotten!)