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I Love You, Let's Meet » terre haute cuisine

terre haute cuisine

A friend and I were discussing how online dating can make one feel so cut off that one starts writing for one’s own amusement, especially if one is a bit bored with one’s job. He sent me one of his first e-dating correspondences with a lady I found rather snobby and insufferable, though I give him all props for writing someone not-thin and not-younger-than-him. Here’s her ad and his self-indulgent (it’s clear it’s him giving himself “goose bumps”) but hilarious reply. He says this was a sincere effort to get a date, though he sees now he was rather — how do the Brits put it? taking the piss out of her(? could that be right? sounds gross).

Contemplative, Sophisticated, Smart…Click Here!
Reply to: xxxxxx@craigslist.org
Date: 2006-02-23, 7:28AM

Craigslist is really starting to make me wonder about the human condition. Is there any one left who was raised with manners, possesses any degree of refinement and understands the difference between Haute Cuisine and corporate America’s chain restaurants?

Are there any men who are enlightened, who have taken the time to contemplate what life is about and who have come to some conclusion about how to live it? Are there those who understand that having a “killer body” says nothing about their intellect or their true inner being?

I’m beginning to find that this place is more shallow and hopeless than ever, everyone is concerned about external appearances.

This is who I am seeking. A genuine, caring, loving man, who has a good grasp on life, has the resources to enjoy what NYC has to offer, as I do, but who has not been totally brainwashed and pulled in by the insidious veil of shallow ideas that most New Yorkers are striving to achieve. Life is meant to be lived, savored and enjoyed…not rushed thru.

I’m a 49 year old very attractive, full figured and proportionately shaped woman with a lot to offer. I have a keen zest for life, a great sense of humor, live a life of refinement and good taste and would love to converse with some one that possesses style, intellectual prowess, understands the world and life and sees the “big picture”. I am a non- smoker and am seeking the same.

Do you want a loving, caring, intelligent woman to share your life with? Are you tired of clicking on CL posts?

this craigslist posting was forwarded to you by someone using our
email-a-friend feature….


Hi, xxxxxx@craigslist.org,
My name is J_____.

I’m 48, live in Manhattan, am divorced with two sons, nine and eleven, who live with me half-time. I am tall, with an athletic/slim build, lots of intact hair, and even a few teeth left. I’m the creative director of an interactive media agency, which I expect (perhaps even hope) would be meaningless to you if you are not in the same business. That being said, it actually means that I use video, animation, websites, DVDs, CD-ROMs, rings and strings and sealing wax and other fancy stuff for clients. BTW, does “That being said…” seem to you to have supplanted “At the end of the day…” as the au courant, annoying business phrase for Q1 of 2006? Let’s discuss amongst ourselves…

I started my career as a filmmaker, writer, word processing temp, repertory theatre house manager, ballet stagehand, golf caddy, farmhand, Rizzoli bookstore clerk, and carpenter—although not necessarily in that order.

For what it’s worth (and it did come with a subway token), I also obtained a Master’s Degree in Philosophy, which until now has led me to believe in the power of the self-fulfilling prophecy above all else. Currently, however, the hypothesis that you, xxxxxx@craigslist.org, can be relied upon to give voice to your true feelings about the cultural anthropology of contemporary New York City as it pertains to self-actualization criteria, body image issues, and the urban food pyramid is giving my previous weltanschauung a good run for its money.

In truth, if you believe in that sort of thing, while my philosophical training has given me an incredibly sensitive instrument for the detection of hypocrisy, posturing, hidden agendas, and double standards—in myself as much if not more than in others—it’s only the 30 years I’ve spent in the Evelyn Freud School of Speed Therapy that has taught me to read the tea leaves of my own heart.

After contemplating your sophisticated evisceration of contemporary mores, I felt the sting of seeing myself in the pitiless mirror you held up to the men of Manhattan. I’m assuming that the pain arose out of our (us guys’s) moral turpitude, not from seeing my own face in the mirror… But I digress—you have my photos and seem more than capable of forming your own judgments, a trait I share, and value in the characters I call friends. So let’s move on to what is, in diplomatic circles, called “the good part” of this increasingly unwieldy missive, shall we?

I must strenuously object to your implication that a distinction can necessarily be made between “Haute Cuisine” and “America’s chain restaurants.” I make this objection not only in the spirit of disinterested (n.b., not uninterested) linguistic integrity and logical consistency, but I appeal–heck, I’d even pander–to your evident wisdom regarding “the insidious veil of shallow ideas” particularly as regards the aforementioned food pyramid/body image issue constellation.

Thus, on behalf of the good people of Indiana still living the life of classic small-town America, I urge you most fervently to consider “Terre Haute Cuisine”. It just may be the Hegelian Synthesis of the “Haute Cuisine/Chain Restaurant” Thesis/Antithesis that you so passionately and incisively grab by the throat in the first paragraph of your posting. Naturally, a meeting of our minds for a joint post-Hegelian analysis, perhaps even a post-Structuralist Foucaultian/Derridaist reading of the “text” from the “link” below is called for as soon as possible. Right about now is good for me. Or perhaps the weekend is more felicitous timing for you. The quotation marks around what Hegel would have known as die Begreiffen, of course, symbolize our transcendence, together, to a meta-level discourse, where we may fluidly move from macro to micro, contradiction to resolution, accepting both with equanimity. Almost sounds romantic, doesn’t it?


I don’t know about you, but I’m kind of getting goose bumps. I mean, if there really is a place where they still understand that “Life is meant to be lived, savored and enjoyed…not rushed thru,” whether it’s a town in the middle of nowhere, or a shared space of hearts, minds and bodies, I can’t get there alone. So I’m hoping that we’re clicking here now.

They were not. HE was clicking away furiously, but she never wrote back.

1 Comment so far

  1. Heidi on June 30th, 2006

    Although he doe seem rather archly self-involved at times, I think he is quite sincere in the last paragraph, on the verge of self-deprecating.

    Is he still single?