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I Love You, Let's Meet » 2006 » December

Archive for December, 2006

have a paranoid new year

dontdatehimgirl.com will not let me cut and paste a link (What, is it disempowering to let yourself get passed around by any old blog who comes sniffin around?), but its “Love Panel” [here’s the link — LKIA] does address a question that’s come up a lot among my peeps lately. You like a guy, you’ve been out five, six times, for a couple weeks, a month, you’re having sex, you seem to be “dating” — and you see him online on the dating site where you met him. Like every day. He maybe has even said “I’m not interested in seeing anyone else,” which is the point where I move from advice Like Don’t rock the boat yet, Control your own jealousy, to “If you don’t want to see anyone else, what exactly are you doing back on [nerve/match/yahoo, etc.], bub?”

This happens enough that I would like to hear from men: Are you taught to swear fidelity and exclusivity before you mean it? Is this something you think chicks expect? Why lie unnecessarily? Why lie at all?


KGB is at 85 E. 4th St. I’m reading with Grant Stoddard from Nerve.com.

READING: In The Flesh Erotic Reading Series–Erotic Memoir Night

(B/D to Grand, J/M/Z to Bowery, F to Delancey, http://www.happyendinglounge.com)
Admission: Free
Happy Ending Lounge: 212-334-9676

In The Flesh ushers in 2007 with true stories from erotic memoirists,
who dishabout everything from being a sex columnist to online dating,
indulging in fine food and fine sex, BDSM relationships, loving a
transgendered partner, dating as a single mom, and more. With Marty
Beckerman (Generation S.L.U.T.), Helen Boyd (My Husband Betty, She’s
Not the Man I Married), Ron Geraci (The Bachelor Chronicles), Gael
Greene (Insatiable), Rachel Sarah (Single Mom Seeking), Susan Shapiro
(Secrets of a Fix-Up Fanatic, Lighting Up, Five Men Who Broke My
Heart), Grant Stoddard (Working Stiff), Virginia Vitzthum (I Love You,
Let’s Meet), and Lauren Wissot (Under My Master’s Wings), along with
host Rachel Kramer Bussel. Authors’ books will be available for sale
from Mobile Libris. Free candy and mini cupcakes will be served.

In the Flesh is a monthly reading series hosted at the appropriately
named Happy Ending Lounge, and features the city’s best erotic writers
sharing stories to get you hot and bothered, hosted and curated by
Village Voice sex columnist and acclaimed erotic writer and editor
Rachel Kramer Bussel. From erotic poetry to down and dirty smut, these
authors get naked on the page and will make you lust after them and
their words. Since its debut in October 2005, In the Flesh has
featured such authors as Andy Horwitz, Lily Burana, Jessica Cutler,
Polly Frost, Maxim Jakubowski, Emily Scarlet Kramer of CAKE, Edith
Layton, M.J. Rose, Lauren Sanders, Danyel Smith, Cecilia Tan, Carol
Taylor, and many others. The series has gotten press attention from
Escape (Hong Kong), The L Magazine, New York Magazine, Philadelphia
City Paper, Gothamist, Nerve.com and Wonkette. This is not Amanda
Stern’s Happy Ending Reading Series.

For more information, please visit
http://inthefleshreadingseries.blogspot.com or contact In The Flesh
host and curator Rachel Kramer Bussel at rachelkb@gmail.com.

Marty Beckerman is the 23-year-old Alaskan author of Generation
S.L.U.T. (MTV Books) and America’s Sexxxiest Young Journalist. He has
written for Playboy and New York Press, and interviewed Hunter S.
Thompson for Ain’t It Cool News. Beckerman flirted with the Republican
Party after a feminist broke his heart in college, but concluded that
Puritanical fascism is incompatible with his status as a Luscious Sex
Lord and Generational Voice of Freedom. He lives in Washington, D.C.

Helen Boyd is the author of My Husband Betty, which was a finalist for
a Lambda Literary Award. Her next book, She’s Not the Man I Married,
will be published by Seal Press in March. Her writes about gender and
trans issue for her blog (en)gender – which can be found online at [now defunct]
myhusbandbetty DOT com. She lives with her partner Betty, in Brooklyn,
New York.

Rachel Kramer Bussel is Senior Editor at Penthouse Variations, writes
the Lusty Lady column for The Village Voice, and conducts interviews
for Gothamist.com and Mediabistro.com. Her erotic stories have been
published in over 80 anthologies, including Best American Erotica 2004
and 2006, and she’s edited 13 erotica anthologies, most recently
Caught Looking: Erotic Tales of Voyeurs and Exhibitionists and Naughty
Spanking Stories from A to Z 2. Rachel has also written for AVN, Bust,
Cosmo UK, Metro, New York Post, Punk Planet, Time Out New York and
Velvetpark. www.rachelkramerbussel.com

Ron Geraci is a writer living in New York. The Bachelor Chronicles is
his first book. He writes on relationship topics for several magazines
and conducts regular seminars on online dating.

Gael Greene was New York magazine’s Insatiable Critic for 32 years and
continues to write a weekly restaurant column. She is the author of
seven books⎯her two erotic novels, Blue Skies, No Candy and Dr. Love
were both NY Times best sellers. Delicious Sex was a guide for Women
and Men Who Want to Love Them Better. Her memoir Insatiable: Tales
from a Life of Delicious Excess tells how America fell in love with
food, what she ate at the revolution and what she did between meals.
With the great food guru James Beard, Greene co-founded
Citymeals-on-Wheels to bring weekend and holiday meals to the city’s
homebound elderly. On hits 25th birthday this Christmas, Citymeals
delivered its 32nd millionth meal.

Rachel Sarah’s Single Mom Seeking: Play Dates, Blind Dates, and Other
Dispatches from the Dating World, was published in November 2006. She
is the romance columnist for San Francisco’s j the Jewish news weekly
of Northern California and her column “Single Mom Seeking,” appears on
Literary Mama. Rachel’s writing has also appeared in Family Circle,
Parenting, Tango, Ms., BabyCenter and Christian Science Monitor.

Susan Shapiro’s work has appeared in the New York Times Magazine, Los
Angeles Times and Washington Post. She’s the co-editor of Food for the
Soul and author of Secrets of a Fix-Up Fanatic, Lighting Up and Five
Men Who Broke My Heart, optioned for a movie by Paramount Pictures.
Her book Only As Good As Your Word will be published in late 2007. She
lives with her husband in Greenwich Village and has taught writing at
N.Y.U., the New School and Mediabistro.

At twenty-one, perennial virgin Grant Stoddard came to the United
States in pursuit of true love. After eighteen months of couch-surfing
and heartbreak, he stumbled into a job as New York’s most intrepid sex
columnist, despite having little experience in either sex or writing.
His first book, Working Stiff: The Misadventures of an Accidental
Sexpert, will be published in January 2007 and was optioned for film
by Paramount Vantage. He lives in New York City.

Virginia Vitzthum has written for salon.com, The Village Voice, Ms.,
Elle, and other publications. She has also written a play and a
screenplay. Her first book, I Love You, Let’s Meet: Adventures in
Online Dating, will be published in February 2007

Lauren Wissot describes herself as an undercover agent in the
mainstream world, a gay boy born into female form. She is a filmmaker,
film journalist, screenwriter, and music and film critic living in
Manhattan. Her sex memoir Under My Master’s Wings (Nexus Books)
details her time spent as the personal slave to a gay-for-pay

DEBATE: Is Chastity a Good Idea for Singles?

Hear Thrill of the Chaste author Dawn Eden and I Love You, Let’s Meet author Virginia Vitzthum debate the question “Is Chastity a Good Idea for Singles?” in the basement of Lolita Bar (266 Broome St. at Allen St., one block south and three west of the Delancey St. subway stop on Manhattan’s Lower East Side — free admission, cash bar) on Wed., Jan. 3 at 8pm, with moderator Michel Evanchik and host Todd Seavey (a.k.a. “Tom” from Chapter 18 of Thrill of the Chaste).

best year-end movie list

The Village Voice has fired everyone great in its film section except J. Hoberman. Thankfully, the Voice’s critics poll is being carried on by indiewire. I didn’t see a lot of their list, but my longstanding trust in this poll is borne out again this year: Army of Shadows, Half Nelson, 49 Up, United 93, Dave Chapelle’s Block Party and Old Joy were some of the few good movies I saw this year, amidst overpraised mediocre same-old same-old like Last King of Scotland and the Queen and Little Miss Sunshine and Infamous and Little Children and Prairie Home Companion. I didn’t see the product-placing James Bond or the Clint Eastwood movies, but I’ll still lump them with the crap, based on franchise histories of macho simple-mindedness.

The VV/indiewire list makes me even more psyched for Children of Men. Hoberman compared it to 12 Monkeys which I love and I also loved Y Tu Mamá También (same director). And then, like gorgeously smoldering icing on the dystopic cake — Clive Owen!

holiday bleatings

I couldn’t bring myself to blog on X-mas Eve/X-mas, it was too pathetic being online and having my inbox be 95 percent holiday greetings from online dating sites. It was not my fevered, Ghost-of-Christmas imagination either; Mark Brooks from the boosterish-but-comprehensive site online dating watch confirmed for me that the dating sites up their ads Nov. – Feb., peaking in late December and Feb. 14.

I’m sick, on antibiotics for a sinus/bronchial infection, but not stay-in-bed sick, and I was bumming out about my planlessness when my friend Bernardo called to rescue me. He brought me to a fun brunch a block away from my apt., full of nice anti-Atlantic Yards activists. We watched video of their caroling to funny lyrics against eminent domain and gridlock and why Borough President Marty Markowitz supported the stadium — very clever. They even got U.S. Congressional candidate Chris “Minor” Owens, son of former Rep. Major Owens, to lend his beautiful voice to lyrics he wrote, about the questionable finding that the Prospect Heights site was just “blight” anyway.

One woman at the brunch was telling me about working at Match.com as a Web designer. She said there’s a big counter in the office that ticks up a number every time someone subscribes and that a lot more research goes into converting browsers to subscribers than into matching compatible people. Which is what I concluded as a consumer in my book, but it was nice to hear it from inside the belly of the beast.

Finally, R.I.P. James Brown. I like to think that as they wheeled out his little corpse on Christmas morning, JB jumped up, threw the sheet (sequined, in my dream) off his face, and ran back on.

Publishers Weekly rocks ILYLM!


shout-out to OKCupid

I guess part of my problem, boyfriendlessness-wise, is that I am an adolescent boy trapped in a middle-aged woman’s body. I can’t bear to spend any time on the super-scientificsalesyserious-find-your-spouse sites, but I crack up reading OKCupid’s pages of user-devised tests like Do You Have Free Will?; Do You Know Your Glam Rock?; Which Babylon 5 Ambassador Are You?; and all the variations on Are You Him/Her? like Are You Snazzy Enough for Me? and Are You My Dream Guy? The OKCupid folks illustrate the latter type of test with a diagram of a torso with X-ray vision of guts, which works as either navel-gazing or gut-spilling. It’s the only site clearly run by people with senses of humor.

And the bachelors on OKCupid are invariably interesting. Because the site skews young, I captioned my picture “old enough to be most of your all’s cool aunt,” but I just found a note in my mailbox from CodgerDaDog with the subject header “Old?” He’s 82 and “still rocking”!!!

According to OKCupid’s How Long Will You Live Test, I shall make it to 82, and since the site is free, I’ll probably still be on it. I’ll have to remember to update my photo.

meta post: link to blogging article

she’s not an online dater, and she didn’t write about online dating but my friend Dana wrote a great article about blogs’ relationship to MSM

One of the reasons she never online dated is that she met her husband (before Internet dating took off) through a friend — who was that again? Oh yeah, ME. They’re one of my proudest yenta accomplishments.

debating chastity: they cast me “against”

I’d just been grooving on Dawn Eden’s book promo


when I got this e-mail from my peppy libertarian friend Todd:

Todd Seavey wrote:

Dear Dawn and Virginia,

We have our differences, we certainly do, but what better ends to turn them to than civil debate and book promotion?

Dawn’s December book (_Thrill of the Chaste_) argues that premarital sex is an unhealthy component of modern dating, while Virginia’s impending Feb. 1 book (_I Love You, Let’s Meet_) describes the pitfalls and sometime successes of online dating (and follows on the heels of Virginia’s years as a writer about sex for Salon and others).

Could I interest you in cautiously working out a balanced topic on which you came down on opposite sides (shouldn’t be too hard — but let us not make any hasty assumptions or get into any fights before the actual debate) that you might be willing to duke it out about at Lolita Bar? …..

P.S. I think the likely optimal debate topic would be something like “Is Modern Dating Worse Than Pre-Sexual-Revolution Dating?” Each of you will probably have quibbles with any formulation, but keep in mind we’d want something short, relatively clear, and not too biased (from the voting audience’s perspective) in one direction or the other, framing-wise. So, for instance, “Is Modern Dating in Keeping with All the Rules in Leviticus?” would probably not play to Virginia’s strengths, and “Are Christians Good Lays?” would be hopelessly at odds with Dawn’s core points — but then again, if we want to make it startling and you happen to both think it would be amusing to “go all the way,” as it were, and do a topic like, “Should Women Refrain from Premarital Sex?” then let’s do it.

Dawn said she’s in and also not interested in a smackdown. So if any single smartypants out in Blogville has thoughts on what’s the pro-having-sex side of the “debate,” send them on. Thankfully, as Todd says, it’s a pretty big tent: I think Libertarians vs. the Borg was once a Todd title card.

I love that Dawn is an expert on 60s garage rock, some of the most lewd and ecstatic devil music ever. It’s music designed to lead teenagers astray — and works on some grown-ups: I made out with someone once just because the 17-minute version of the Seeds’ Up In Her Room came on.

So funny then that Dawn wants to hide her love away. I gotta get her book.

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