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I Love You, Let's Meet » dating story that didn’t make the book

dating story that didn’t make the book

I’m reminded of this guy I met on nerve about a year and a half ago because my friend’s about to go on a date with him. (There’s been full disclosure all around, he said nice things about me, it’s all cool.) He’s smart and funny and attractive, one of the 90 percent of my connections formed online who seemed almost-good-enough in person.

Over years of online dating, I have very few horror stories — and zero happy endings. No A’s (for more than two weeks anyway) and hardly any F’s, D’s or even C’s.

Why the bell curve at B+?

Am I just really good at reading the profiles by now, so I land close to the target?

Do B+ people generally stick with online dating? Am I a B+ person?

Or does online dating turn you into someone who sees B+ people everywhere because it’s what you’re looking for? Does it make us all think “I can do better” and keep finding fault?

All of the above, probably. But, anyway, this one B+ guy, let’s call him Al, really just delivers the punchline of the story from a year and a half ago: It stars the only online guy I ever set up with an RL friend. “Jonathan” and “Susan” are feisty and I thought they’d like enjoy sparring. I was wrong. They both felt picked on.

Before the date, I’d made the e-faux pas of clipping something Jonathan, Jewish, wrote and sending it to Susan, gentile, because I thought it was funny, about an author with a glamorous print persona: “Of course in person she’s a rodential Jewess.”

So after the bad date where they both felt attacked, he and Susan started e-bickering and she chided him for that remark (which made me do all kinds of cringing as he now knew *I’d* cut and pasted from his e-mail). She declared his description of the author “worthy of Goebbels.”

They made it to Nazi-comparison after ONE DATE. It even took Max and Fitz a few days. So my only attempt to yenta fellow online daters was a disaster, and it happened right before my first date with Al. I told him the exchange, and he said, and I loved him then, “Maybe she meant gerbils.”

6 Comments so far

  1. karen on January 16th, 2007

    So many pseudonyms! What should we call the friend who’s about to go out with “Al?”

    And what of the rodential authoress? Shall we call her “Fran Lebowitz?”

  2. virginia on January 16th, 2007

    OMG! Fran L. IS sort of rodential, isn’t she? It’s funny, when I first read “rodential,” it conjured nobody except Paul Lynde.

    But FL is also like a fun, wisecracking rat, a less langourous Bugs Bunny type.

    Let’s call the friend who’s about to date “Al” “Goddess,” because she is.

  3. judes on January 17th, 2007

    I once fixed a friend up with a really great guy I met online. He was british, she was an anglophile; he was rich, she was a golddigger. . . anyway, halfway through their date she called me from the bathroom and hissed “Why didn’t you tell me he had girlish hands!” Um, because I hadn’t noticed.

    Then she said that he’d “forced” her to pay, when in reality, she offered to go dutch and he took her up on it. I tried to point out that if she hadn’t wanted to pay she shouldn’t have offered, but she wasn’t hearing it.

  4. virginia on January 18th, 2007

    “Girlish hands” is hilarious. If the guy had any conscience, he’d make that his profile headline and spare other women the horror.

  5. akasusan on January 20th, 2007

    I don’t remember feeling picked on by “Jonathan!” I liked him, though he scared me a little. That “rodential Jewess” line was ugly and misogynist, though, even hateful…maybe that’s what scared me about him.

  6. akasusan on January 20th, 2007

    Al’s gerbils joke was so brilliant. Geez, Goddess, if you don’t hit it off with him….oh, I forgot. I have found someone already! If he would just stay off Nerve.
    And it wasn’t the adorable Fran Leibowitz that “Jonathan” was speaking of.