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I Love You, Let's Meet » race preferences

race preferences

this article’s about speed-dating not online dating but obviously applies.

I love the comments where people try to puzzle out this truly confounding tendency. Anecdotally, I’ve heard the opposite: women saying that there’s so much more than just looks that make a man attractive that they’ll happily date any race, while men are more like “I’m no racist, but I do have a physical type” (who tends to be his own race, or in the case of some white and black guys, Asian women).

Emily’s comment, number 15, resonated with me. After I first slept with a black guy, then an Asian guy, other black and Asian guys took up much more space on my sexual radar screen. Just like having a pale, red-haired, dark-eyed boyfriend in college made me forever predisposed to men with that coloring. Sexiness stems from sex.

Is that the same principle operating with men? And if women are so sexually xenophobic, where do men find women to miscegenate with? Do men get more of their sexual ideas/leanings from porn? If they’ve seen it onscreen, does that plant a seed? (though my sense is that these days porn is so specialized, that’s not true. If they didn’t seek out Asian or black or Pacific Islander or whatever porn, they wouldn’t just come across it. Dunno if that’s true.) Is seeing interracial sex in some way parallel to my and Emily’s experience of lust following doing?

Or are women just more racist?

5 Comments so far

  1. Anne on April 28th, 2007

    I don’t think (from personal experience) you have to sleep with a guy to open up your sexual radar screen. I’ve had unrequited crushes that did the same job quite well.

  2. virginia on April 29th, 2007

    Of course, how lame of me to make a binary of either you screwed them or you saw it in porn. You do or you watch. Becoming friends with someone of another race (and maybe pining for them) also transforms them into potential lovers. Any contact does.

    So the question remains, why are men so much more adventurous about this sort of thing despite their tendency to have a narrower physical “type”?

  3. Anne on April 30th, 2007

    Maybe men are trained from the cradle in the smorgasborg model. How many men have you heard say “I love all women?” (I’ve heard lots.) The one-to-many idea isn’t such a taboo for them.

    But if it’s a one-to-one model, you better stick with the known?

    I’m just talking out my ass. I’m no PhD in this sociology stuff

  4. kmcleod on April 30th, 2007

    I’m not sure that being adventurous doesn’t make you racist. Didn’t the Duke lacrosse students specifically ask for black strippers?
    After reading this article’s “race/income” research, I predict that China growth will create a bullish market for buying low, unless a Friday opener of a Denzel or Chow Yun Fat film triggers a stock drop for black women. This in no way resembles my reality.
    I now discriminate by age, by not engaging women too young for me (the fastest growing demographic!).
    I think that the speed date format doesn’t allow for deeper assessments, so the shorthand of same-race assessments (more familiar, less to learn) may be easier for women under that time pressure.
    Virginia, I have to tell you that I’m convinced that this post of yours caused me to dream last night about being in bed with a dwarf.

  5. virginia on April 30th, 2007

    Black dwarf? White dwarf? Samoan dwarf?

    I hear ya about this money/race market worth of a human being seeming bizarre and unfamiliar. The women I know are looking for someone solvent, health insurance would be nice, but not a meal ticket.

    Very wise theory about speed-dating shoving one (quickly) to the known.
    And good point about adventurousness not necessarily being benign or loving. Better example than the Duke lacrosse guys is how soldiers fighting in foreign lands also “conquer” the local women, if not by raping them, then by buying them.