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I Love You, Let's Meet » “I sink maybe you need serapy.””

“I sink maybe you need serapy.””

that’s my Dr. Ruth imitation. Good on J-Date for landing her. I fear she will be dismayed by the inhumanity, or if that’s too melodramatic, the chilliness of online dating

9 Comments so far

  1. kmcleod on November 11th, 2007

    I didn’t even know that my dream date was still alive. It’s a shame I’m an atheist.

  2. virginia on November 11th, 2007

    Go for it — they let gentiles on J-date!

    And you guys would be the CUTEST couple.

  3. Steve on November 21st, 2007

    She has spent her professional life as a sex therapist. I’m sure she has seen people as they are, behind the veneers. I don’t think she will be shocked, maybe slightly soured at a new medium that allows people to act more on some negative aspects of human nature.

    I can’t agree with you enough about online dating.

    So, when are you going to write the book on neo-offline dating for adults?

    You have the talent.

    I have the cash for the first copy 🙂

  4. virginia on November 23rd, 2007

    Thank you Steve, that’s so nice. I’m peddling a book proposal about polyamory now.

    That’s VERY neo dating, a little too neo for the few publishers we’ve tried.

    I agree completely, Dr. Ruth would be more “soured” than “shocked” by online dating. I think she’s an optimist.

  5. kmcleod on November 26th, 2007

    Her parents died in the Holocaust, she was a sharpshooter in the Israeli army and she survived an exploding artillery shell. The laments of WhyMeSpace will be a piece of cake.

  6. Steve on November 26th, 2007

    Hey Virginia;

    That sounds like a shrewd business idea. There is definately a niche market there that has not been catered to and who I think will more than support the book with sales. I also think the general public will find it interesting. There is always self publishing and this idea may make enough money to make it worth the trouble.

    The polyamorous people I have met have interested me. I really do think their ability to separate love and sex and their ability to love several people without anyone feeling threatened is enlightened. I think that even though I can’t be that way 🙂 LOL! When I have talked with those people I have felt like a emotional Neanderthal encountering an emotional Homosapien.

    The other anecdotal thing I have found interesting about the polyamorous people I have met is that none of them have been particularly attractive. Somewhere in me is the expectation that such people would be exceptionally attractive, but the ones I have met have been less than average. Wonderful people though.

    Fascinating subject.

    I guess I will have to muddle through old fashioned offline dating without the hopes of a book from you. Oh well, men have been fumbling around with that for centuries.

    Have you noticed that almost all dating advice books, except for those disgusting PUA things, are directed at women?

  7. virginia on November 29th, 2007

    Hey Steve, You’ve certainly noticed a lot of the same things I have about the polys! And I too have felt like I SHOULD be able to live like them.

    One of my theories about the not-cute thing is that sex for them is less about fantasy and more about real life, and so their sexual attractions are more rooted in the actual having of sex than in measuring someone against a dream girl/guy.

    Re who the dating advice books are directed at, women buy more books period. And that’s even more true with self-help books. Some of that gender stereotyping about men not wanting help or advice is true, I guess.

    What do you think?

  8. Steve on November 30th, 2007

    Hey Virginia;

    The idea that the self help market is dominated by women is a newly discovered trend by me and I have to agree that it seems to be true. I have always been into the self improvement thing. I have never felt self conscious about asking for directions when lost. I also never enjoyed watching sports.
    I guess I am missing a sex specific gene :).

    I do think there is a trend among men to try figure things out for themselves and solve their own problems. I think men believe that it is expected of them that they are the ones to make things happen. You can see a bit of a justification for this belief in the descriptions women have of their fantasy matches which always seem to involve a combination Knight/Father Figure/Hero who comes to the rescue, fixes things, provides etc.

    Getting closer to reality even women who are not golddiggers seem to respond to men who impress them in some way…..as in the men being about something.

    Being able to solve problems or figure things out on your own seems to be part of that. It is also seems to go a long way in making life interesting.

    Getting back to dating. I do think there a few men out there, who are not dragging their knuckles, who would appreciate some advice about dating and who don’t want one of those PUA books.

    Whether or not there are enough of them to make a book financially lucrative I don’t know.


    I guess I will have develop my ability to get back into that offline dating world myself….without help.

    Love those circles 🙂

  9. Steve on November 30th, 2007


    Your theory about poly people is interesting.

    It is forcing me to think in a new way. It would seem that people who are grounded in the reality of sex and love would stay put with one person. It seems like loving more than one person is the stuff of fantasizing which I sort of equate with ideals……which your theory says polys have done away with.

    I think your theory is most likely right and that this is simply a new situation I haven’t encountered yet, like most people, and like potential book buyers, I would to be interesting reading.

    Maybe the average poly person has put away the pining for the fantasy sex partner, but they still have a drive for giving sex or giving love to more than just one person.

    “Normal” coupled people, it seems to me, do have a weaker form of this “impulse” while still feeling very strongly in love with their partners. Instead of dating and sleeping with people other than their partner they become close friends with them……depending on the security level of their spouses.

    I have a few married friends who I suspect feel this way about me and one who has had the guts( some would say poor taste ) to tell me that is exactly how she feels.

    Maybe the only thing that separates a poly person from a few others is that this impulse is slightly stronger in them….or other inhibitions are slightly weaker.


    – yet another serial monogamist