“Genuine and trustworthy” more butch than “Warm and kind”

check the second question in this interview. If women are shunning warm and kind men because they seem like sissies, then I don’t want to hear them complain about their dating life. Ditto to any men saying, “she looks good, all except for that trustworthiness, that’s just not hot.” or “I’d like her if she were just a little more fake.”
Note to warm and kind men: You rule! And I know a lot of other women who are with me! (Genuine and trustworthy is kind of essential in any mate — or friend — too. How did these most basic human qualities get gendered anyway?)

5 Comments so far

  1. Steve on April 15th, 2008


    I believe that women want warm and kind men. I also think women want the whole package. They want warmth, kindness AND men who they see as men. Masculine, strong.

  2. Anne on April 18th, 2008

    If I had to pick trustworthy vs. warm and kind, I’d take trustworthy. Snake oil salesmen are warm and kind.

  3. Anne on April 18th, 2008

    What I mean is, it has nothing to do with masculinity for me. The untrusting part of me sometimes suspects warm and kind is a sales ploy.

  4. kmcleod on April 19th, 2008

    Since “trustworthy” only stands up to behavioral evidence as much as “warm and kind” does, you’re back to square one.

  5. virginia on April 28th, 2008

    Good points all. Though I think “kind” can slip through in a very unostentatious, unsalesmanlike way, usually obliquely, e.g., the guy trying to impress you is kind to someone else without calling attention to it. (Trustworthy really does need to be proved over time, no way around that.)

    And I will grant that women are socialized/taught to project “warm and kind” with less self-consciousness; a boy is likelier to get mocked for effusiveness and learn to project something cooler. But I’m still am very drawn to men who seem kind, maybe even more so because it goes with a freethinking sort of unself-consciousness.